4 words: hood of his car
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
