I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
