WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
