The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
