so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
