I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there's paper in my vomit.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
