yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
