He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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