I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
