i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry about my life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
