"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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