I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
