You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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