Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
