Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
