So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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