I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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