i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
