Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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