Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
