i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
