this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
