Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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