I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
