i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
