I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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