Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
