im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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