I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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