so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
