she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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