I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
