They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
