Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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