I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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