I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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