She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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