ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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