Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
