Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
