My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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