if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
