I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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