Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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