Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
