Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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