Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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