I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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