So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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