That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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