I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
