she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
