The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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